Spirituality, Aging, and the Holidays: 6 Tips for Keeping the Spirit in the Celebration

Supporting a person’s spiritual individuality during the holidays is vital to maintaining or improving their sense of well being.  Spirituality is not necessarily religious beliefs.  Knowing a loved one’s perspective on spirituality is important, especially for caregivers.  Even if someone has no religious affiliation, he or she still has spiritual needs. 

1.      Religion:  Spirituality, for many, is tied directly to their religious beliefs.  Be proactive in maintaining contact with a loved one’s place of worship and the congregation.  Offer assistance with transportation, if able. When someone is unable to attend services, find ways to bring the service to them, such as recordings, both audio and video, inviting church friends to visit in a loved one’s home or care facility, or provide worship services within a care facility.   Encourage spiritual leaders to provide services in the facility and to stay connected with their aging congregation.  Spiritual leaders can also provide one-on-one visits in home or residential care facilities, but may need encouragement and reminders to do so.

2.      Music:  Music is a very important part of the spirit of the holiday season regardless of a person’s religious affiliation.  Even for those living with dementia, or receiving comfort care at the end-of-life, music continues to touch individuals, and memory of music lasts significantly longer than other long-term memories.  Knowing a person’s preferences for music will help provide holiday music that is calming and joyful.

3.      Remembrance: Remembering and honoring loved ones who have passed on seems to be a natural part of the holiday season.  A great way to engage older adults is through the use of a memory tree and ornaments.  If you are working in a care facility, invite residents to place ornaments on a tree in honor of or in memory of a loved one.  This idea can be adapted in a number of ways.  This is a great way to create “family” in the facility by honoring staff and residents, or a facility can remember residents who have passed on during the year. 

4.      Fellowship: Provide many opportunities throughout the holiday season for fellowship with friends, family, caregivers, and community.  This may be as simple as a special lunch in the afternoon, or holiday prayer services. A nice quiet place where people can gather together for moments of silence, prayer, meditation, and reflection is very important to creating a feeling of peace in a very busy time of year. If someone is living in their own home, offering transportation or help in planning such events will help maintain contact with friends and community, often forgotten as busyness takes over. 

5.      Giving:  Part of the spirit of the holiday season is the opportunity to give to others.  This desire does not diminish with age.  An older adult’s ability to give is often complicated by limited income, transportation difficulty, and health issues.  Keeping this in mind, family and caregivers can provide opportunities for older adults to continue to give to others.  Assisting older adults to create homemade gifts, offering transportation to shopping locations, encouraging older adults to create their life story as a gift to their family members, and other low or no cost ideas can bring back the spirit of giving to those who are not easily able to give on their own. 

6.      Storytelling:  Holidays are a great time to share life stories which are as fun to tell, as they are to hear.  Reminiscing is an important part of sharing the spirit of who we are with those around us.   Family and caregivers can encourage older adults to record or write their stories for others to enjoy or simply create opportunities for them to share their stories with others. During the holidays, have a get together to share the best holiday stories each person can remember.  

 

About Paula Harder Kenemore:

Paula Harder Kenemore is an author, speaker, and consultant with over 20 years experience in the long-term care industry.  Her new book, My Life, My Care, My Way, My Advance Personal Care Plan is available at www.lakeeffectmedia.net or by calling 218-485-4252.  Paula is the founder and C.E.O. of B.O.L.D. Transitions.  Her mission is to Build Older Lifestyles with Dignity by providing training and workshops that focus on aging issues for healthcare professionals, care facility residents, and their families.  She is also an independent Dementia Care Specialist for the Minnesota-North Dakota Northern Regional Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association.

10 Tips for Including Older Family Members in Holiday Celebrations

1.      Be Realistic: Do not allow your expectations for the event to cloud your judgment about what you are, or are not, able to do, and what is and is not a successful event.

2.      Be Sensitive: Include the family member, if possible, in event planning and take your cue from them as to how involved they want to be.  If they say “No”, be encouraging but not pushy.  If they say, “Yes,” be honest about how and where the event is going to take place.  Consider carefully before planning surprises.

3.      Communicate: If your family member lives in a residential care facility, make sure to keep the lines of communication open with the staff and ask for help in planning the event.   A facility’s staff is generally happy to help plan a wonderful holiday for those they care for and can be an excellent resource when planning transportation or providing facility space for an in-house celebration, when they are able.

4.      Be Flexible:  If transportation or health issues make getting a family member to a specific location difficult, offer to bring the celebration to them; decorate, cook the meal, open presents at their home, or facility.  Try not to get hung up on the date of the event.  A holiday is a holiday no matter what the date on the calendar says.

5.      Keep it Simple: If the older family member has dementia or is very frail, keep the celebration simple and do not overwhelm them with lots of people and commotion.  If you have a large family, visit in small groups, this will make the fun last but not be too overwhelming.

6.      Start a Tradition: or adapt an existing one.  Have your older family member read or tell holiday stories, such as the Christmas Story, or other holiday readings, light candles in honor of loved ones who have passed on or are not able to attend.  Make the older family member the “head of the household” for that celebration.

7.      Consider Transportation: If transportation for your family member is complicated be sure and plan ahead.    Include them, and care facility staff, in the planning so the loved one is not shocked or upset by the experience.  Remember to consider the safety of everyone involved. 

8.      Plan Rest Time and Location:  Make sure you have a quiet place for your family member to rest and lie down for a period of time. You may be able to celebrate all day, but your loved one may need a break. 

9.      Know the Facts:  Make sure you know what the person’s dietary needs are and if there are any restrictions.  You don’t want to tempt them with the annual holiday grog or sugary goodies if it could interact with their medications.  This is especially important for diabetics.  Be sure you are prepared for other issues that may arise such as bathroom needs, accessibility to the location and restroom, fall risks such as carpeting, stairs, and rugs, and emotional reactions. 

10.  Have Fun: The holidays may not resemble the good old days.  The important thing is being together and bringing joy to a loved one during the holidays.  Don’t get stuck on the idea that things have to be the way they have always been.  Enjoy each moment and experience as an opportunity to make new memories. 

 

About Paula Harder Kenemore:

Paula Harder Kenemore is an author, speaker, and consultant with over 20 years experience in the long-term care industry.  Her new book, My Life, My Care, My Way, My Advance Personal Care Plan is available at www.lakeeffectmedia.net or by calling 218-485-4252.  Paula is the founder and C.E.O. of B.O.L.D. Transitions.  Her mission is to Build Older Lifestyles with Dignity by providing training and workshops that focus on aging issues for healthcare professionals, care facility residents, and their families.  She is also an independent Dementia Care Specialist for the Minnesota-North Dakota Northern Regional Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association.

American Families Avoid This “Talk”, Especially During the Holidays, says Aging and Caregiver Expert

Talking about the future healthcare of an aging family member is a taboo subject for parents and adult children, especially during the holidays.  New book helps families to plan how Mom and Dad should be cared for when they can no longer care for themselves.

 

Moose Lake, MN (PRWEB) December 11, 2007 – The topic families avoid over holiday dinners or while opening presents; how Mom and Dad should be cared for when they can no longer care for themselves.  “We plan for so many things in our lives; holidays, weddings, careers, families, retirement, travel, and financial security, yet we do not plan for our future healthcare, or for life after illness or injury,” says Paula Harder Kenemore, a national expert on aging and caregiver issues, and author of the recently released book, My Life, My Care, My Way, My Advance Personal Care Plan, published by www.lakeeffectmedia.net.  “The holidays are the best time to initiate a future healthcare plan discussion because everyone is together, the mood is light, and families are naturally reminiscing about the past and thinking about the future.”

“Ten minutes before sitting down to open presents, or just as Mom begins to carve the holiday turkey with a twelve inch electric knife may not be the best time to approach the subject,” Kenemore adds.  “Plan your conversation well after the holiday dinner, the opening of presents, or the football game, but before anyone heads home.”  It is important that all family members be included in this conversation, so everyone hears the same thing.  If the whole family is not able to attend, consider video or audio recording the conversation.  Informing the whole family in advance of the meeting gives everyone a chance to think about it, write down their own concerns, and prepare emotionally for a topic that may be difficult for them.  For a free list of what to talk about from both the parent’s and children’s perspective, visit www.lakeeffectmedia.net.

  

Having this future healthcare conversation is the first step.  Once families are clear on the care and decisions a family member has made, the next step is to get those wishes in writing.  “When families are aware of a loved ones wishes, it helps, but it is not enough to keep difficult healthcare decisions out of the legal system and out of the media spotlight, as we saw with Terri Schiavo,” warns Kenemore.  My Life, My Care, My Way allows an individual to get their wishes in writing.

More families are affected by this lack of planning than you may think.   According to Kenemore, “75% of Americans fail to have a written plan or advance directive for future healthcare and medical treatment, and virtually none have a plan for how they would like to be cared for by another person, yet 3 out of 5 people will depend on someone else to provide care during their lifetime due to age, illness, or injury.” 

Advance directives are an important piece of the planning puzzle, but many focus only on end-of-life issues and crisis decision making.  Advance directives do not include “living-until-end-of-life” information.  Many people will live out the remainder of their days being cared for by someone else, either in their own home or in a care facility such as a nursing home or assisted living.  “Living-until-end-of-life” care is a new concept and is the focus of the book, My Life, My Care, My Way, My Advance Personal Care Plan by Paula Harder Kenemore.  My Life, My Care, My Way is a tool for caregivers to see the individual as a person, not just a medical record.  “The better your caregivers know and understand you, the better equipped they will be to give you quality, compassionate and loving care,” adds Kenemore.

For additional information about starting a future healthcare conversation or My Life, My Care, My Way, My Advance Personal Care Plan, visit www.lakeeffectmedia.net.

About Paula Harder Kenemore:

Paula Harder Kenemore is an author, speaker, and consultant with over 20 years experience in the long-term care industry.  She is the founder and C.E.O. of B.O.L.D. Transitions.  Her mission is to Build Older Lifestyles with Dignity by providing training and workshops that focus on aging issues for healthcare professionals, care facility residents, and their families.  She is also an independent Dementia Care Specialist for the Minnesota-North Dakota Northern Regional Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association.

 

Sandra Day O’Connor and her Husband in People Magazine

I was very moved by the article printed in the December 3, 2007 issue of People Magazine about Sandra Day O’Connor and her husband John, who is living with Alzheimer’s disease.  I applaud Ms. O’Connor for her candor about her husband’s relationship with a new lady friend in his assisted living facility.  She has shared a message that so many families need to hear; it is okay to accept the changes that occur in someone who has Alzheimer’s with love and compassion.  Ms. O’Connor is teaching a very valuable lesson about truth and reality.  She is stepping into his reality and allowing him the peace to live his life without judgment.  I have worked in long-term care and with people with Alzheimer’s and dementia for twenty years and I know how hurt family members are when the person they love no longer recognizes them.  Ms. O’Connor certainly is giving the “highest form of love” to her husband John.  Thanks for sharing this lovely story, Ms. O’Connor and People!!

Welcome to My Life, My Care, My Way

INTRODUCTION

Congratulations! You have taken the first step in planning your future and the way you are cared for in that future. By completing “My Life, My Care, My Way,” you will ensure that those who care for you, be it family members or complete strangers, can do so in the way you feel is appropriate for you, even if you are unable to communicate your wishes. This book will allow you to connect on a personal level, with those who will be caring for you in such a personal way.

Each of us has a very strong desire to stay as independent as possible for as long as possible. Yet very few people take advantage of the opportunity to ensure independent decision making by advance care planning. The “I’ll simply cross that bridge when I come to it” way of thinking is the reason individuals do not take action. The problem is, that bridge often comes when we least expect it, leaving little if any time to plan. We plan for so many things in our lives; weddings, careers, families, retirement, travel, and financial security, yet we do not plan for our own advanced age, or for life after injury. Ask yourself this question, “If I were unable to communicate tomorrow, who would know me well enough to care for me, the way I would care for myself?” Can you answer the question with complete confidence? Since three out of five people will depend on someone else to care for them in their lifetime, the question should be, “Why not plan ahead?”

With “My Life, My Care, My Way” you can give your caregivers a manual on how to care for you. If you are unable to remember or communicate important details about your life, you can still share those details, in your own words. Family members, out of love, may tell caregivers how they would like you to be cared for, or share the interests they think you should participate in. Caregivers have the responsibility of caring for you as if you were their own mother or father. “My Life, My Care, My Way” is a window for your caregiver to see you as a person. They will be able to understand that you live an important life, with purpose and meaning. They will see that you love your family and friends and that you are loved in return. Most importantly, they will see you! They will see the person who wrote the book, the person they may not be able to see when they meet you.

As a Long Term Care professional for more than twenty years, I can tell you from personal experience, the better your caregivers understand and know you, the better equipped they will be to give you quality, compassionate and loving care. This book will serve you in so many ways. It will be used as an official record of your thoughts and feelings about medical care. It can also be a keepsake for your family or close friends. This book can be used in your home, with home health care workers, or family members giving care, as well as a bedside manual for health care facilities you may reside in.

This book can also serve as an important tool in choosing a long term care facility. The current movement in long term care is “Resident Centered Care.” This means the resident has complete ownership of their care. If you, or your family, are looking for a retirement community, assisted living facility or nursing home you will want to take this book with you. Ask those you communicate with in the facility how they would incorporate the use of “My Life, My Care, My Way”. If they do not seem open to using it, the facility may not be as interested in resident centered care as you are.